It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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