woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
