I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
