The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
