omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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