Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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