apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
