Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
