Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
