Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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