Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
