I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
