Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
