I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
