I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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