Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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