I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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