my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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