did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
