Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
