Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
