my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
