He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
