But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
