Don't you send me to vm
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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