if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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