That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
