$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Did I show you my penis last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
