No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
