I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
