the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
