jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
