You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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