I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
