Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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