i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
