so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
