You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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