I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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