Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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