Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
