So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
