god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she was so not down for the gang bang
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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