there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
