just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
