you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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