so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I could fuck to npr.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
