Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
whose parrot is this?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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