Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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