my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
