I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
