Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
