So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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