Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
