he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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