Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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