Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
