4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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